


I Loved You First

by TeamDamon



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky’s a little bitter about Peggy in the beginning but the fic is not anti-Peggy, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Jealousy, M/M, TFA bar scene, Virgin Steve Rogers, and they do, brief mention of internalized homophobia, these boys just got some things to figure out, ww2 stucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 18:25:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19408858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamDamon/pseuds/TeamDamon
Summary: For Bucky Barnes, jealousy wasn’t really something he had a lot of experience with. A little bit here and there as he’d grown up, sure, but the kind of bone-deep envy that set your teeth on edge and made you burn with a desire you couldn’t quench... that was a foreign and new experience, one that he desperately didn’t want. But here he was, plunged deeply and irrevocably into the thick of it, all thanks to one Margaret Carter.—Steve and Bucky after the bar scene in TFA.





	I Loved You First

**Author's Note:**

> So I got in a bit of a writing rut and instead of finishing one of my 299292 WIPs, I wrote this instead lol. Thank you to MorningGlory2 for your everlasting support and enabling of my silly ideas, I love you so much :’) and thank you to everyone who reads this!!

For Bucky Barnes, jealousy wasn’t really something he had a lot of experience with. A little bit here and there as he’d grown up, sure, but the kind of bone-deep envy that set your teeth on edge and made you burn with a desire you couldn’t quench... that was a foreign and new experience, one that he desperately didn’t want. But here he was, plunged deeply and irrevocably into the thick of it, all thanks to one Margaret Carter. 

_ Maybe she’s got a friend .  _

Steve had meant it in jest, of course, but the words crawled unpleasantly through Bucky’s skin as he downed another glass of whiskey. He wasn’t an idiot. He’d seen the chemistry crackling in the air between them, that undeniable magnetism, the way that Agent Carter looked at Steve the way Bucky had always wished that pretty ladies would. But now that it was finally happening, Bucky wanted nothing more than to grab Steve and hide him away from the world and keep him all to himself, for him and him alone to cherish and look at with that kind of adoration. 

And that was why Bucky, against his better judgment, muttered into his glass, “You know it’s just because you look the way you do now. She wouldn’t have given you a second look when you were smaller.”

He glanced over just in time to see his words land, to see the flicker of hurt and insecurity across Steve’s face. It made Bucky hate himself more than he already did, which was saying something. “Actually,” Steve said softly, trying to mask the hurt in his tone but failing, “she liked me then, too. She’s been there since my first day at boot camp.”

Bucky clenched his jaw and took another drink.  _Great_ . That was just... great. 

“ Gotta be careful with a dame like that,” Bucky went on, well aware that he was talking out of his ass and finding himself too drunk and scared to care. “Ones that pretty’ll chew you up and spit you out. Drop you the second something new and exciting comes along.”

Steve stared down at the beer in his hand. “I don’t think she’s like that, Buck.”

“And what d’you know about women, Rogers?” Bucky asked, finally looking Steve in the eye, grinning like the idiot he was. 

Steve met his gaze head on. “Nothing,” he admitted. “But I know her. And I know you’re wrong.”

Bucky nodded, swallowing bitterly and turning back to his glass and making a face when he found it empty. “ _Fuck_ .”

Steve’s brows furrowed slightly in concern.They’d been doing that a lot lately. “You okay, Buck?”

“Yeah, just tired. Think I’ll turn in for the night.”

Steve nodded, accepting the lie. “Okay. Let me finish up with the guys and I’ll come too.”

Bucky shook his head, standing up from the barstool a bit roughly and swaying a little upon getting to his feet. “Nah, it’s okay. Don’t gotta slum it with me. You should go find Carter and bunk with her instead, bet she’d be more fun than me anyway.”

And with that, Bucky took off towards the shitty little room that Steve had gotten them at the equally shitty inn above the bar, because  _of course_ Steve would get one for the both of them, but Bucky could see now that Steve could no doubt get a better ending to his night elsewhere. Of course he could, now that he was... the way that he was now. He wasn’t that overlooked and ignored little guy that Bucky had been in love with since they were kids anymore. No, now he was a war hero with the sort of presence that commanded every room he walked into, his bravery and strength the stuff of legends in the making, and Bucky was just... he was just the broken, embarrassing fragment of Steve’s past that had no real place in his life now, or at least that was how it felt more and more with each passing day. 

He’d get ahold of himself the next day, once he was sober. He’d stop feeling sorry for himself and suck it up like he always did, but for now, he needed to get away and be alone for awhile before he did something he’d regret and couldn’t take back. 

But of course, Steve didn’t let him go quite that easily. Bucky had finally made it to the door of their room when he heard heavy, distinctly stupid footsteps behind him and he looked up only to sigh heavily and mutter, “Can’t ever leave me alone for one fuckin’ minute, can you, Steve.”

“Never been my strong suit,” Steve shrugged, hands in the pockets of his uniform as he approached Bucky. “I’m worried about you.”

Bucky began fussing with the key to the room, giving a careless shrug. “M’fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

Bucky pushed the door open at last and started walking inside. “Not really your problem either way.”

Unsurprisingly, Steve walked in after him and shut the door behind him. “The hell’s going on, Buck?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and kicked off his shoes. The room smelled like stale smoke and like it hadn’t been cleaned properly in ages, which meant it was still the best smelling place Bucky had found himself in pretty much since he’d deployed. “Nothin’.”

“ Hey .” Steve grabbed Bucky’s arm as he began to head towards the bathroom, stopping him and turning him only for Bucky to unexpectedly slap his hand away. It made Steve’s brows furrow more deeply as he asked in disbelief, “Are you really that jealous?”

Bucky laughed in his face, suddenly finding all of this hilarious in an absolutely horrible kind of way. “Yeah, I sure fuckin’ am, Steve.”

Steve tilted his head as if those words made no sense in a sentence. “... _One woman_ likes me better than you for the first time in our _lives_ and you’re jealous? Are you kidding me, Buck?”

“ I’m not jealous of you, dumbass,” Bucky confessed, the words tumbling out before he could even realize he was saying them out loud. “I’m jealous of her.”

The words hung between them like a grenade tossed at their feet, the seconds ticking by and feeling more like hours as Bucky awaited the inevitable explosion. Steve stared at him in shock, confusion giving way to realization, and Bucky hated everything about that moment. He hated the fact that he’d let those words slip, he hated the disbelief on Steve’s face, and he hated the shame and the fear rising up in his throat and threatening to make him sick if Steve kept looking at him like that. 

“... Do you mean that?” Steve asked in a whisper, and Bucky wondered if he felt the same disgust for him that Bucky felt for himself. 

“I’ve always meant it,” Bucky answered shakily, knowing it didn’t really make sense - he hadn’t always been jealous of Carter, no, but he _had_ always loved Steve. Always. 

When Steve said nothing in return, Bucky swallowed dryly and muttered, “See? Not your problem.” Then he turned and walked over to the small, slightly dirty window that overlooked the street, staring out aimlessly at the soldiers and civilians coming in and out of establishment, hoping that when he turned back around, Steve would be gone. 

Instead, he listened as those familiar footsteps came closer and froze when he felt the heat of a large body just an inch behind his. Then he blinked as Steve reached out and closed the blinds right in front of Bucky’s face, shielding them from the unforgiving gaze of the outside world as he murmured far too close to Bucky’s ear for comfort, “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

The same hand that had closed the blinds now came to rest tentatively on Bucky’s hip, and his heart began to slam hard in his chest. 

“Wouldn’t... wouldn’t have mattered,” Bucky forced out, closing his eyes at the feel of Steve’s breath on the back of his neck. “You’re not like me. You’re normal.”

“Can I tell you something?” Steve murmured, and Bucky shivered. “I’m not ‘normal’. Never have been. And I thought... since the serum was supposed to fix everything wrong with me... it would fix that too. But it didn’t, so... maybe... maybe it’s never been wrong.”

Hardly able to believe what he was hearing, Bucky turned in Steve’s arms and had to remind himself for the millionth time to not look down, that Steve was as tall as he was now and they could stand nose to nose with each other. He found Steve’s eyes full of the same vulnerability that he felt deep inside, the same conflict and want and desire, and  holy _God_ he couldn’t believe this. Surely this was some kind of whiskey-induced hallucination, or some leftover symptom of what Zola had done to him, some cruel joke his brain was playing on him that he’d wake up from any minute - 

The press of soft, desperate lips against his snapped him out of his thoughts and shocked him back into the present. It was a cautious but firm kiss, hardly the best that Bucky had ever had but fuck if it wasn’t instantly his favorite anyway. It didn’t matter because it was _Steve_ and Steve was kissing him and it was _real_ and it was everything Bucky thought he’d never get to have. 

His trembling hands reaching up to cup Steve’s face, Bucky held him close and didn’t let him slip away. They kissed again, this time meeting in the middle and kissing like they’d always wanted to despite the other never knowing. Bucky was good with his mouth and he knew it, always had, and when he tilted Steve’s head just right and slid his tongue between his lips for the first time and earned a breathless little groan in return - oh, this was heaven. Maybe even better. 

“Steve,” Bucky murmured against his lips when they broke for air, noses brushing, both men clinging to each other as if they feared what would happen if they let go. “ Steve ...”

Steve responded by kissing him long and deep, no more hesitation or fear. Bucky melted under the touch, all the tension in his muscles dissipating as he relaxed in Steve’s arms, his earlier angst nearly forgotten. But only nearly. 

“Steve,” Bucky breathed as Steve’s hands began creeping up under the jacket of his uniform, making Bucky shiver. “I’m sorry about earlier. I was a jackass. I didn’t mean any of it and I’m -“

“Shh,” Steve hushed him gently, a small smile on his unfairly pretty face. “It’s okay. I understand.”

Bucky let out a small breathless chuckle. “Do you? Because I don’t.”

Steve reached up to slide his fingers through Bucky’s messy dark hair, his gaze pinching as he murmured, “Buck, I thought you were dead. I can’t... I can’t even tell you what that felt like. And now you’re here, and I’m here, and  hell ... I can't think of one good reason not to do this.”

“... Agent Carter,” Bucky shrugged lightly. He hadn’t imagined what he’d seen earlier. They were drawn to each other, there was no denying it. 

And to Steve’s credit, he didn’t. “Well... I loved you first.” 

Then he reached down and picked Bucky up like he was some petite little thing, utterly effortless, and Bucky’s entire face blushed a deep red as he all but gasped, “Fuck that’s hot.”

Steve simply grinned and kissed him again, carrying Bucky to the bed where they collapsed in an inelegant but blissful pile of limbs, smiling into their kisses as they pushed and pulled at each other’s clothes until they were each bare above the waist. 

“Jesus fuck,” Bucky groaned underneath Steve, running his hands up and down his massive pecs, hardly able to believe that they were real. “Look at these things...”

Bucky groped and squeezed at them like he would a woman’s breasts, and Steve couldn’t help but blush and bite his lip. “ Buck ...”

“They sensitive?” Bucky asked curiously, flicking his thumbs over Steve’s nipples before Steve could answer. Steve’s resulting little hiss of a moan told Bucky everything he needed to know, and he grinned as he continued to tease at him. “God, Steve, you’re so pretty.”

Steve opened his eyes, expression softening as he took Bucky’s hands and pinned them to the bed. “No, you are,” he murmured before leaning down and crashing their lips together, and Bucky wasn’t about to argue with him. Their bare chests were scorching hot pressed together, their lower halves still clothed but rubbing together through the fabric, and the first time Bucky felt just how  _excited_ Steve was... this was gonna ruin him, Bucky just knew it. And he was gonna love every second of it. 

It was natural, more so than Bucky had ever experienced before. He liked women and had always enjoyed playing with them, had never had a problem enjoying himself, but this was on a whole other level. He’d never had a connection with a woman like he did with Steve, and that underlying love and devotion that had always been there between them only served to amplify the heat and lust overtaking them. Their kisses were deep and just the right side of sloppy as their bodies found a rhythm easily, as if it were something they’d been simply born to do. And maybe they were. 

But as good as it was, Bucky needed more. He needed so much more, more than they were ready for that night, but he was determined to take what he could while he could. Tomorrow was hardly a guarantee, after all, a little voice whispered from the back of his mind as he groaned Steve’s name and started groping at his belt. A moment or two of fumbling later and their cocks were free, pants shoved down haphazardly, and Bucky cursed loudly - too loudly - at the first brush of velvet-soft skin on skin. 

“Fuck, you’re huge,” Bucky blurted, looking down between their bodies with wide eyes. He looked back up just in time to catch Steve’s blush and shy smile, and  _God_ Bucky loved him so damn much it was a wonder his heart didn’t simply explode in his chest. 

“Serum,” Steve shrugged, but Bucky knew better. 

He dragged Steve down for a kiss, murmuring against his lips, “You think I’ve never stolen a look here and there, you’re dreamin’. Always knew you were big, even when the rest of you wasn’t.”

That only made Steve blush more. Bucky couldn’t help but grin, hand sliding between their bodies to wrap around that cock he’d thought so much about over the years. He started stroking firm but slow, eyes fixed on Steve’s face as his brows furrowed and lips parted in pleasure. Steve’s shoulders trembled as he held himself up and Bucky reveled in the fact that he was causing this, that he was the one making Steve feel good. And it was about damn time. 

Watching Steve and listening to his quiet, deep groans as Bucky stroked him was intoxicating. They kissed as his hand began moving faster, taking Steve’s breath away as he rolled his hips and fucked down into Bucky’s hand. It was the best thing that Bucky had ever seen, and when Steve started to whimper and shake, he started stroking faster and harder and nearly came himself when Steve spilled in his hand and over his stomach with a low roar. It was beautiful, and Bucky would have been happy to live in that moment forever. 

When Steve came back to himself, breathing hard and flushed and gorgeous, he opened his eyes and looked down at Bucky with both satisfaction and hunger in his blue eyes. He lifted up just enough to look down upon the mess that he’d made on Bucky, and Bucky couldn’t pretend that he didn’t absolutely love being marked by him. He grinned and bit his lip, feeling wanton and shameless as Steve’s eyes tripped over every inch of him, from the mess all over his chest and stomach to the very hard cock laying neglected between them. 

Then Steve licked his lips and looked into Bucky’s eyes, kissing him hard one last time before slipping down his body with a clear mission in mind. Bucky didn’t even have time to process what was happening enough to ask him before Steve’s mouth was on his cock, swallowing him down without an ounce of fear or hesitation, bringing a shout to Bucky’s lips that he had to stifle with a hand thrown hastily over his mouth. 

Bucky hadn’t expected this, not by a long shot. He expected Steve to simply return the favor yet here he was going above and beyond as always, that pretry mouth stretched around his cock as he sucked with an enthusiasm that made Bucky’s head threaten to spin right off of his shoulders. Watching him was too damn much, too pretty, too perfect, but he couldn’t look away. He’d never forgive himself if he did. 

It was sloppy and unrefined and Steve was hardly skilled at this, but it didn’t even matter. His mouth was hot and wet and felt like a damn dream, the mere sight of that blonde head bobbing up and down more than enough to send Bucky over the edge all on its own. Bucky reached down and slid his fingers into Steve’s hair, tugging the pale strands just enough to make Steve moan, and  _fuck_ Bucky just _knew_ the fucker would like his hair pulled. H e  kept at it, tugging here and there while he tried to keep his moans quiet, and each time Steve would groan and the vibrations would make Bucky’s toes curl. This was already the best sexual experience of his life by far, he had zero doubt. 

And when Steve pulled off just long enough to suck in a few deep breaths and tease his tongue all around the tip, lavishing attention on Bucky’s cock while making eye contact through his lashes, Bucky knew that was it. Steve swallowed him back down and Bucky threw his head back and came with Steve’s name on his lips, coming long and hard enough to make his vision go white at the edges. 

It was nothing short of exquisite. Bucky laid boneless on the cheap, thin mattress, eyes closed and chest heaving up and down, not realizing he’d almost fallen asleep like that until he felt a warm towel on his belly. His eyes shot open to find Steve at his side, gently and carefully cleaning him off, smiling softly when their eyes met. “There you are.”

Bucky smiled back. He watched Steve discard the towel and then let himself be pulled into Steve’s arms, and that was when something incredible happened. For the first time since he’d first stepped on to the battlefield months and months ago, he felt truly at peace. He knew it wouldn’t last even a day, but he felt too damn good to even care in that moment. For now, he was safe and secure in the arms of someone he loved more than life itself, and for tonight at least, all was finally right in their little world. 

He listened to Steve’s heart thump rhythmically under his ear, closing his eyes and letting it lull him to sleep along with the soothing touch of Steve’s fingers up and down his back. 

“So,” Steve asked quietly, little smile audible in his tone. “You still jealous?”

Bucky grinned and chuckled against Steve’s skin, laying a small, mindless little kiss to his chest before muttering, “Uh-uh. M’the luckiest guy on the planet. Everyone should be jealous of _me_.”

Steve’s chest rumbled with a quiet laugh as he pressed a kiss to Bucky’s forehead. “Nah, Buck. I’m the lucky one.”

Bucky’s smile widened, and that blessed peaceful feeling in his heart grew until it enveloped him entirely and sent him into a deep, dreamless slumber - his first since Hydra. Tomorrow the world would start spinning again but for now it was just Steve and Bucky, wrapped up together and hidden away, basking in the intimacy and the comfort that came as naturally to them as breathing. 

And for just a little while, everything was perfect. 


End file.
